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HOW TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER

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Anger is a weakness

but people think of it as strength. The one who does not get angry possesses more inner strength than the one who gets angry. A person usually becomes angry when things do not go his way, when he is misunderstood by another person, or when his viewpoints clash with another’s viewpoints. We become angry when we are accused of being wrong, when we think we are right. Our perception causes us to believe that we are right. According to the other person, he believes that he is right. We become angry then how to control your anger before it controls you.

When we are insulted, we become angry. We become angry when we incur a loss. In protecting our pride or our greed, we experience anger. If one is to become free from pride and greed, he must have awareness (spiritual). If your servant were to do the same thing, should you not control your temper in this situation as well?

Our reactions vary in different situations (from situation to situation). Anger can only dissolve if one understands that those who do wrong by him are merely his limits, (people instrumental in delivering the effects of his past karma) and that what he is experiencing is the result of his karmas from his previous life.

child anger

Effect On Childrens

When parents become angry with their children or when a guru becomes angry with his disciples, they bind punya (merit karma). This is because their aim is to improve their children and disciples respectively. If one were to become angry out of selfishness, he would then bind paap (bad karma). This is the teaching of the Enlightened Ones. Anger, the subject dealt with in this book, is the most troublesome and overt of all inner human weaknesses. It is discussed extensively for clear understanding. It is our sincere hope that the readers will find this helpful in their endeavor to free themselves from the severe grip of anger.

SULKING IS ANGER

When a person sulks in anger, it is really anger itself. For example, if a husband and wife quarrel intensely in the night, so much anger is generated that they both lay awake restless, the entire night. In the morning the wife serves him tea by banging the teacup. The husband will then realize that she is still sulking. This is called anger.

The sulking can last for any period of time. For some it may even be life-long. Sometimes anger between a father and son will create such enmity between them that neither of them will want to see each other’s face. The sulking is apparent from the disgruntled look on one’s face. Sulking can be such that, if someone were to insult me fifteen years ago, and I encounter him again today, the moment I lay eyes on him, I will remember everything from the past. That is taanton (the lingering connection from the past event).

Ordinarily people’s sulking never goes away. Even renowned ascetics and monks sulk. If you were to provoke them and challenge their authority, they would not speak to you for weeks. This is called taanton.

How To Control Your Anger.

EGO IS AT THE ROOTS OF ANGER

Some people ask how they can get rid of their anger. When they tell me that they try to suppress it, I ask them whether they are trying to suppress it before or after they understand it. I tell them that they must understand anger first, because anger and peace coexist. If one fails to understand anger and tries to suppress it, he may be suppressing peace instead, so peace will die. Therefore, anger is not something that one can suppress. One has to understand that anger is ego.

Analyze the ego that causes the anger. If this child breaks something valuable and we get angry, what kind of ego is it? It is the kind of ego that tells us that we have incurred a loss from the breakage. Here the ego is of profit and loss. We have to think about how we will go about destroying this kind of ego. Otherwise by harboring the ego, the anger will continue. Anger and greed at their very core, are really only ego.

Types of Anger

There are basically, two types of anger, i.e. passive anger and aggressive anger, each type quite different from the other.

Passive Anger

In this type of anger you will find behavior that is not immediately visible or identifiable as “anger”as we know it; nonetheless, it is anger. Here are the top 6 manifestations of passive anger:

1-Defeatism

–here, you will find yourself programmed for failure by choosing people who are not dependable, accident prone, inability to perform sexually, underperforming and under-achieving, and for all that venting frustration on small and rather insignificant things, while completely ignoring the large and important matters.

2-Dispassion

–in this case you would look unconcerned and not voice what you feel, you tend to overreact such as oversleep or overeat, you would turn to substance abuse, would not respond to other people’s display of anger, you’d rather spend all your time with machine than friends (or any humans as a matter of fact), you’d rather busy yourself in work and indulge in sex that it is rather mechanical than with feelings. Evasiveness –this is where phobias are formed. You become a recluse, avoiding all type of conflict, making no attempt to argue, completely turning your back on any type of crisis.

3-Obsessive Behavior

–this is where the passive anger becomes the need to have everything in a certain order or way; you tend to seek perfection in your own way and also behave weird by overeating, eating only special kinds of food, etc.

4-Psychological Manipulation

–in this case you would find yourself provoking others to anger and then blaming them for it, using emotional blackmail, faking sickness by auto-suggestion and using it for emotional blackmail, withholding resources (money, know-how, etc. with intent to sabotage), using a third person to communicate any type of negative feelings.

5-Secretive Behavior

–in this case you let the resentment grow within while you express it only behind other people’s back. You’d mutter under your breath, gossiping, putting people down, sending hurtful letters, conning people, and/ or stealing (it need not significant).

6-Self-Blame

–in this case you’d invite criticism and expect it, if you are not criticized by others, you would criticize yourself, and you would keep apologizing for everything and anything.

how to control your anger before it controls you

Aggressive Anger

you disconnect/ abandon an active connection. For example, you stop talking to a family member or friend, quit your job, divorce and so on. Bullying –here you persecute people, using physical or emotional superiority to cower the other person into submission to your will, play on others’weaknesses, loud vocalization and directly threatening physically.

1-Destructiveness

–in this case you will abuse substance, endanger yourself and others (for example, reckless driving), hurting weaker beings (animals, children, men hitting women, etc.), indulging in vandalism, and so on.

2-Grandiosity

–this is characterized by being a sore loser, being hungry for attention, needing to be the center of attention all the time, ignoring authority, expecting a “sorry”to solve all wrong doings.

3-Hurtfulness

–labeling people derogatively, disrespecting confidences, using vulgar or swear words, indulging in rape and sexual abuse, discriminating against other people, abusing verbally and physically, using violence.

4-Manic behavior

–weird behavior such as shopping too much, walking too fast, speaking too fast, driving too fast, working too much, having too high expectation for others.

5-Selfishness

–pushing others to do as you want, jumping queues, ignoring pleas for help, playing down other people’s needs.

6-Threatening

–making threats that scare others, behaving in a threatening manner, pushing people’s buttons. For example, shaking fists in one’s face, tailgating, telling people how you’d hurt them describing it in detail, slamming doors, etc. Unjustly

7-Blaming

–blaming others for own failings, accusing others whenever things go wrong, holding others responsible for your negative feelings.

8-Unpredictability

–flying into a rage over small problems, attacking people verbally, using illogical forceful arguments, substance abuse, punishing unjustly, etc. Vengeance –excessive punitive action and feeling justified when hurting others.

deep stress

Do you need to suppress emotions?

Suppressing emotions is different from managing them. You should not suppress your emotions because this can have harmful effects on your body, such as chronic depression, mental illness, and panic attacks. What you should do is to find healthy or positive ways to express them. Be creative and think out of the box. You have to manage or control them. Suppressing them is not acknowledging their existence. You simply put them in the back burner of your mind to fester and rot. This could “poison”your body and mind in the long run.

On the other hand, managing your emotions is acknowledging them and accepting that they exist because of some reason. You have to identify these reasons and act in a positive manner to resolve or to address them. By doing this, you can put them aside for good, without allowing them to grow and worsen. Being able to manage your anger and anxiety would increase your chances of living a happy, healthy and contented life.

Other links

For how to overcome ragging visit on https://www.bhbujjwalsaini.com/ragging/

Teen Depression – https://www.bhbujjwalsaini.com/teendepression/

History of yoga – https://www.bhbujjwalsaini.com/yogahistory/

How to think positive – https://www.bhbujjwalsaini.com/how-to-think-positive/

Social Anxiety and low self esteem – https://www.bhbujjwalsaini.com/selfesteem/

stay focused in life – https://www.bhbujjwalsaini.com/how-to-stay-focused-in-life/

manage stress in life – https://www.bhbujjwalsaini.com/how-to-manage-stress-in-life/

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